Who's afraid of the Big Bad Vacuum?

For the last couple of months of so (i think it started at 7 months?), hayaa's been scared of a number of different things.. sometimes she gets nervous if i put a load of laundry in the washer, or when the diswasher starts.. and then there was that time she was scared of bath tubs.. but those things came and went, and her fear of the vacuum still remained :p

We've tried a few things to ease her fears though.. for example, when she was scared of the bathtub, it was quite a problem.. i couldn't give her a bath without her screaming and standing up while in her tub, making it dangerous for her, because she could slip.. so our solution? i would put her bath in our bigger bathtub, fill it with water, sit beside it, put her in and give her toys to play with. It took her some time to adjust, but she did alhamdulillah... and there are still some days when the fear creeps up again.

With the vacuum, we've tried a number of different things. The first thing we do is to bring her close to it when it's off, and let her play with it, punch it, touch it etc. Then when I we start it, I usually go to her, hug her close and give her kisses while she's watching hubby do the vacuuming. One time, we were preparing for a party and she was getting scared while he was vacuuming and i was in the kitchen preparing food.. so he put the sling, put her in it and finished up the job.

How do I know she's scared?

She doesn't cry when we start the vacuum, but she gets very hyper all of a sudden and starts behaving wierd. She moves her arms around like a little bird trying to fly (:D) and babbles in her baby language..and shrieks excitedly.. initially we didn't think she was scared, we thought she was just really excited.. hah.. and then once she was sitting and playing with her toys and it started, and she started to shake (my poor baby).. and since then, i run to hold her whenever we start the vacuum, so finds comfort in my arms, even though her attention is totally towards it.

As children grow, they become scared of different things quite suddenly.. sometimes that thing is something they might be doing everyday, but suddenly they'll be scared of it one day (ie. taking a bath), and sometimes they remain scared of it (ie. vacuum), but it's important to understand that it's totally normal, and comfort them in the best way we can :) we are mothers, after all :)

Separation Anxiety Cuteness

.. cuteness and separation anxiety in the same sentence, you ask?

Yes my friends, all supposed 'bad things' do have a silver lining ;)

So with my in laws gone for a week (they'll be returning in 3 days insha'Allah), Hayaa's began to cling on to me even more then before.

The bad : sometimes she's screaming and in tears if i go to the washroom for 5 minutes

The good: when baba comes home from work! It's the cutest thing! she's soo excited to see him and chachu. i love it! As soon as the enter, she freezes for a second and then starts bouncing in excitement. Those are the best moments.. to see Hayaa after a parting. Even when i would return from school, the thing I'll be most looking forward for would be to see Hayaa's face when I'd enter the house.

I soo need to make a video of that, so i remember it afterwards. Time goes by so quick.. there are times when I want to keep hayaa the way she is, but then i'm excited to take her places when she walks, excited to hear her when she speaks, and read her books when she understands.

Tomorrow holds so many beautiful hopes and some little fears (fear that she's not gonna listen to me :( )

.. May Allah swt continue to bless our family, and may He swt guide Hayaa and make her a strong and righteous believer.. and may He swt bless all of Hayaa's little friends and their families. ameen.

thankfulness and co-sleeping

Alhamdulillah! Thank you Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for everything you've showered on me.

I was speaking to a friend today and she said something interesting.. she said it's funny, many times Allah swt puts us in situations that we've made up our minds to avoid or try our hardest to not be in.. sometimes even make dua that it would not fall in our lot, and yet we are placed in that exact situation which we had hated.

I remember when I was pregnant, I used to make dua that I would not have a baby with colic, but Hayaa did have colic.. and alhamdulillah for everything.. because there's goodness in everything. I also wanted to have another room for her (before she was born), at least have her sleep in the crib.. but Hayaa masha'Allah loves to be close to her mommy and baba and sleep with them... I was always big on quality time with husband, and subhanAllah, whenever we'd have time alone, she'd wake up from her sleep or be fussy about something... and alhamdulillah there is goodness in that too.

What i'm trying to say is.. Allahu'alam.. sometimes we think that we are 'this type of person' or want something very bad and even may obsess over it, but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala challenges our belief and shows us that it's really not a big deal. Yes, you can sleep with the baby at night... it's not a big deal. Yes, you can have a baby with colic.. it's ok... you'll get through it.. and that's life :)

Today, we joined Hayaa's crib with our bed (have one side open, so i'm still sleeping beside her). I was fighting this in my mind for so long.. i wanted her to be able to sleep in her crib.. wanted to have space for hubby and i.. wanted a baby free space where i can be a grownup again..read my book in peace, sip some chai and chill while she sleeps in her little crib on the opposite side of the room.. but after joining the crib now, and accepting her the way she is, it feels better actually. I realize, i was totally making this a big deal in my mind when it's really not.

.. and i think this works for other things in our life too.. obstacles we place in our mind, when it's nothing but in our head.. and shaytans whisperings. Next time I get ahead of myself being unthankful for what Allah has given me... wishing that things were a certain way and not the way they are, i need to just step back and realize, it's not a big deal.. and allahu'alam, this is the best place for me.. and the best planning.

No, life is not perfect.. but it would be a shallow person indeed if he only concentrated on the little specs of dirt at the top of the ocean and not look at the splendidness of the rest and of it's beauty.. and realize that this is all from his Most kind and powerful Creator, walhamdulillah. and so this is life; with little specs here and there; obstacles placed around us, but as a whole, Allah has been showering us constantly with riches and blessings.. when we complain, out loud or in our mind, we have forgotten the blessings He's given us.

teething = separation anxiety?

Hayaa's been teething on and off since she was 6 months old, going on 7 (now she's almost 10 months masha'Allah). It's resulted in many many sleepless nights, and drool filled shirts. We've all sort of noticed a pattern with what tends to happen when a new tooth is about to come..

1) the drooling gets really bad.. it remains throughout but it gets really bad initially. Her clothes get sooked at the top and i have to continuously change them. One day I was going through her drawers and found some undershirts.. so i started to put those on her so it would be less clothes changing for me.

2) the runny nose.. so the combination of drool and runny nose is just gross.. especially when it goes in their mouth. yuk. But, yeah like i said, while the drooling continues, the runny nose occurs for 2 weeks or so.. and then it stops alhamdulillah. I always have to remind my MIL that it's not because of a cold that she's getting it, she'll be sprouting another one soon.

3) the sleepless/ disturbed night: alhamdulillah the real sleeplessness only happens at max 2 days in a row.. but you'll find the disturbed sleep will happen quite often :( Hubby and I always joke that Hayaa is dr. jakyll during the day and mr. hyde at night ;)

4) serious 'chipku-ness' as my husband calls it.. the separation anxiety

5) the tooth, finally!

so yesterday was one of those days.. i had school but my father in law told me after i returned that she was missing me a lot

Hubby offered to put Hayaa to sleep, but she started screaming when he turned off the light.. then my MIL tried (Hayaa's better with her then anyone else - me), but she would still not sleep.. she drank her whole bottle but refused to go to sleep. Then I took her from them and rocked her to sleep, and she slept.. almost within 10 minutes. she was soo tired.. but she did not want me to leave her. Whenever i would move my hand from under her head, she would cry (while her eyes were closed), hug me and go back to sleep. I did give her some teething meds before she went to sleep, so i wasn't sure what it was all about.. but khair.. after like +- half hour of sleeping in my arms, she went to sleep properly without me.

annywhoo.. on another note..umm.. i have to admit that i havne't been good with my diet :( it's tooo hard.. and there are too many temptations. i will try again.. but i'm so bad at it *ashamed*

ok.. gotta go and work on some school work.. which is what i was supposed to do in the first place, but i started blogging :p

Diet and Exercize anyone?

Alhamdulillah it's been nine months, and a half since I had Hayaa.. and alhamduillah after ramadan, I knew that it was the best time to start exercizing. I had been doing casual workouts, like 10 minute treadmill etc, since my 6th month, but I really wanted to get into it now and get results.

It's been like 2 months i think and I've lost at least 6-7 pounds alhamdulillah. I know I should be losing more, because the workout i'm doing is quite intense.. and I know the reason i'm not losing so much is because of my diet.

Living with my in laws, it's quite hard to watch what I eat.. and during pregnancy and after my delivery, I was not only was encouraged to eat more of the desi greasy foods but also indulged in much chocolate and cake eating.

During Ramadan I lost a bit of weight not even exersizing, but just not eating so much food and now, although i'm not seeing a wieght gain, i'm not losing so much as I want to.. so i think it's time I put away my chocolate bars, large portion sizes, gulab jamuns and rasmalai's and get into actively watching what i eat.

Insha'Allah I want my weight to go down ten pounds in a month.. and I know i can do it, with more water in take, smaller portions and exercize.

For anyone wondering what exercize i'm doing, it's the 30 day shred by Jullian Micheals. It's good! All you need is the workout video, exercize mat and 1 pound weights.. It's made a world of a difference in not only my energy level, alhamdulillah, but also, I feel awesome! it's not an easy workout but you feel great afterwards. It's supposed to be for 30 days continously but I couldn't do it every day. I workout 3 days a week and it totally drains me out, in a good way :p

There are 3 levels, and if you workout every day, you should be moving on to a new level every 10 days. I've been working out two month and now i'm on level two, because I want my body to slowly adapt to it. Like i said, I've been in horrible shape since.. well.. since I got married 2 1/2 years ago! But it really does feel great to do somehting about it. Slowly but surely insha'Allah! :)

Sujuud and Preggy belly

After my seventh month, it was difficult for me to make sujuud while praying. I use to just go down as much as I can, and not go into the sijdah position, and then get up. My mother-in-law saw me pray this way once and suggested that I use a pillow to help me, and I thought it was a better suggestion, and I did that throughout the rest of my pregnancy. Well, today I came across a hadith that suggests that what I was doing was correct, and what my MIL suggested shouldn't have been done..though at the time, I thought it was logical enough.

Bulugh Al Maram, Hadith 352:

On Jabir (R), the prophet (S) visited someone who was sick, and he (S) saw this person picking up this pillow and bringing it to his head to make sajdah. The prophet (S) threw it aside and said, "pray upon the earth if you can. And if you cannot, then make an indication with your body, and make an indication of your sajdah lower than the indication of your rukoo."

SubhanAllah, it's amazing how we keep learning new things in our deen. It's so cool. May Allah swt continue to increase us in our knowledge, understanding and application for His sake alone. Ameen.

Self Esteem vs. Arrogance

During pregnancy and motherhood, our lives shift so much, sometimes we forget ourselves in the process, if only for a little while.

After becoming pregnant, for the first time I felt uncomfortable with myself.. and the remnants remain, if not increase, once the baby is in the picture and people question your role as a mother.

This is a beautiful article/ reminder on the relationship between low self esteem and arrogance, and the importance of having confidence in yourself.

SELF – ESTEEM VERSUS ARROGANCE

By Mamoon Yusaf - http://www.quranforbusypeople.com/

“God does not love the arrogant and boasting ones” [Quran 31:18]

In western psychology ‘self-esteem’ refers

to the esteem you give to yourself. It is a measure of how much you like and value yourself. In other words, it is a measure of the extent to which you live by your own personal values. When you do not act in accordance to your values, you like yourself less, and your self-esteem goes down. When you ‘beat yourself up’ for not acting in accordance to your values, rather than learning from your mistakes and moving on (the Islamic approach to forgiveness), your self – esteem goes down even further and you continue to violate your values and sin.

Low self esteem results in not living according to your values, usually as a result of what you think other people will think of you. For example, not giving your honest opinion when it’s required, because you’re afraid of what others may think. Not having the courage to make a sales call due to fear of rejection rooted in valuing their opinion of you over your opinion of yourself. Wearing, or not wearing hijab, not because of what feels right inside, but because of what other people will think of you.

The truth is nobody knows you better than you do – not even your loved ones. Nobody cares about you more than you do, either. If you die, they’ll morn your loss, but you’ll live eternally with the consequences of your actions.

The hypnosis of Muslim culture encourages us to think that having a high opinion of yourself is a ‘bad thing’ because it could lead to arrogance. Nothing could be further from the truth. Having a low opinion of yourself leads to arrogance.

If your opinion of yourself is lower, your inner confidence is diminished and you always need to prove a point to others (and yourself) by unconsciously competing. This leads to you ‘looking down on people and denying people their rights’ – the Prophet’s definition of arrogance (pbuh).

If you have a high opinion of yourself in areas where you are good, and a low opinion in areas where you struggle, you are closer to the truth of your situation. This honesty and self-acceptance is the starting point of personal growth.

The problem in your personal development comes when you use patterns of language that put yourself down, and then actually convince yourself that this is a good thing because you are ‘being humble’. These negative language patterns like “I’m such a loser; I’m so lazy” etc, are not humility they are self-humiliation. They are lies, which become limiting beliefs, which ultimately prevent your success. And they are forbidden. This is why the Prophet (pbuh) said “A believer never humiliates himself”.

Muslim spiritual writings on arrogance as a root disease of the heart, always balance not being boastful and arrogant with not looking down on yourself either. We tend to overlook the second part. In reality, if you look down on yourself (have low self esteem), you lose your personal dignity (‘izza) which may result in you lashing out in a boastful manner when you get the chance.

To make matters worse, if your self esteem is low the chances are you could even be indulging in a sly form of shirk – valuing others opinions of you affects your behaviour drastically. The only real opinion we should care about is Allah’s opinion. If you let others dictate what you think about yourself, and therefore what you do, this may be a form of ‘riyah’.

This dua will help: Allahuma inna na’uthu bika min an nushrika bika shayan na’alamu wa nastaghfiruka li ma la na’alamu.

Allah, we seek refuge in you from associating partners with you knowingly, and seek your forgiveness from what we don’t know (doing it unknowingly).

The best of examples, our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said quite frankly “I am the best among you, and this is not arrogance’. It’s not arrogance because it’s a fact. He told us, because it’s important for us to know his status, and we can learn from his statement that when you have deep inner confidence and self esteem like He did, there is no arrogance.