Baby extras I couldn't live without

1-3 + months:

A baby/ activity mat! The most basic and functional item every baby must have, and easy on your pocket too :) We got ours as a gift, and Hayaa loved it. The first few months, she would just play with it, lying on her back.. then she started to pull the objects with her hand, and then i removed the rods and the little toys, and would use it for her tummy time. When she began to sit up, i would use it as her toy mat. She loved it, and i loved it because it was so useful! :)

3-6 + months

The swing

This is pretty pricey, but hayaa needed it and it was worth getting it. The only thing I regret is not getting it sooner. Why did we need it? It was the only thing Hayaa would fall asleep in if i wasn't around.. so for my mother-in-law, it was really useful to put Hayaa to bed on days when my hubby and I would go out, or even if i had to run an errand and hayaa was tired. It really helped when I started school too (when hayaa was 8 months) and even today (11 + months masha'Allah, she still uses it).

6-8 + months

Space saver high chair

Our swing is fisher price 4-in-1 that converts into a highchair, but while we're so addicted to using the swing, we can't convert it into a highchair. Regardless, a huge high chair doesn't even fit into our space. This was such a better option. We got ours from walmart for about $40, and it wasn't on sale at that time. If you're a fan of the bigger one and have space for it, for the thrifter, the ikea one is nice and if you're willing to pay the extra $, there are some really nice high chairs available (i liked boon flairs highchair).

So back to my need for a space saver, I was getting so tired of having hayaa either in my lap or near my feet everytime hubby and i sat for dinner, we needed this.. as an added bonus, I would leave hayaa in it when i'd cook and she'd sit on it for the while, play with her toys and eat her snacks.

Activity center

After getting Hayaa a swing, i didn't want to buy a new activity center for her, especially because I wasn't sure how much she'd use it. She didn't really use her bouncer much and that was a disappointment, so I wanted to play it safe and get her a used one. Alhamdulillah we found a nice one from a family friend, and to my surprise, Hayaa did play with it a lot. She didn't like it early on (4-6 months) but at 8 months, she spent much of her time in it. Now she occasionally uses it. We have to force her to go in, but once she's inside, she plays for quite sometime.

Because this is sitting in my living room, and she does play iwth it quite a bit, I did regret not buying her a new one. I think if i could do it again, I would do the opposite and get her a used swing and new activity center.. because it's used so much, for playing, eating, jumping etc. and it sits in our living room.. so yeah.. but for Hayuu, since she's gonna grow out of it soon, ours will do :)

Flexibility and Tests

Before I was married, I remember my mom speaking to me about 'our' nature, as women.. she said, "Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala made women flexible. What ever situation we're in, we can adjust to it and need to adjust to it. in your life, as a wife (a mother, etc.), you'll find yourself in many different circumstances, but you will adjust to it.. because we are made that way, to be flexible."

I still remember her advice/ words of wisdom sometimes.. and actually, Allah swt made us all flexible. No matter where we live, how we are, we'll find it difficult in the beginning, but we get used to it and adjust to it.. and Allah would not place us in that situation if we couldnt' get through it. Look at the example of people living in nunavut for example, i could never imagine living in such harsh weather conditions and not being able to see the sun for some of hte days, but people do live there after all.. and they don't even think of it.

Today i was reading this story.. the narrator said he was visiting a man that had his foot amputated and he wanted to comfort him by saying "the ummah doesn't expect you to be a fast runner... rather it expects you to offer wise opinions and enlightened thoughts, and you still have that, alhamdulillah"

He went to the man, and the man said to him "Alhamdulillah, this foot of mine stayed iwth me for decades and it was a good companion. But my religious commitment is what comforts me."

SubhanAllah.. i was thinking, these words have so much thankfulness in them.. like the guy is being thankful for having a foot before the amputation, and them accepting that although it was a great blessing, Allah has given him with something better that did not leave him... and realizing that it could have been worse.. he could have lost his religion.. and hte prophet sallalahu alayhi wasallam said (paraphrase) that the worst test for us is when Allah swt tests us in our deen (religion).

Alhamdulillah, Allah has made us very strong and flexible.. no matter what tests we go through, we have a way of making the situation work to our benefit. All we have to do is be realize of Allah's mercy and blessings on us, and we're set :) kinda crazy if you think about it, subhanAllah.. so like if you have like zero time for yourself and are getting no sleep (story of every mom's life).. realize:

1) Allah swt had given you so much time before for yourself and a peaceful night's sleep.. that was a blessing from Him, and be thankful for the blessings He had given you for so long

2) know that you'll get through it and honestly, it wouldn't even bother you soon.. you'll find a way around it.. find a way to be happier then you were before. accept there's a challenge, accept you had it better before and be thankful that it's not worse and move on. you can get through it, because you're a flexible mama ;) alhamdulilah for that.

be gone tired eyes!

I've had some crazy sleepless nights in the past 10 months (masha'Allah 10 months! *sigh*), as do all mothers some time or another.. and received many kind comments about how tired i look [*insert sarcastic tone]. So i decided to do something about it.. umm.. well not really.. here's what actually happened:

So, while wondering along one day in the Eaton's center, I noticed a couple of girls walking by me with black and white bags from a store called 'Saphora' .. and I thought, hmm where have i seen this name before? oh yes, dearest mamma bought a few things from there some time ago, so i decided to check it out (i had some extra time on my hands that day). I looked inside and gave a gasp.. it was makeup wonderland!

:) so i decided, i'm going to buy just one thing from this store, and that happened to be this stick:

[Dior Skin Flash - it was a little pricey at $45 but i'm sure you can find other brighteners for cheaper that'll do the trick]

...but little did i know, this was not an ordinary stick.. no no, it held magic powers (umm.. halal magic powers that have nothing to do with jinns).. yes so, i took this stick home and played around with it. I got the darkest shade, and it turned out to be quite close to my skin colour.

So.. i tried some sparingly under my eye, gently rubbed it into my skin and lo and behold, my under eye circles disappeared :)

Hubby came home that day, and said "wow you look fresh! did you exercise today?" :D ..and it was a keeper!

caution: this is not a concealer, it's a skin brighter.. don't use it on your acne, it wouldn't cover it. i did and lets just say it wasn't pretty.

so there you have it girls, for days that are after sleepless nights, and especially those days when you need to look presentable, this will help :)

I'm no expert on this, but i believe for darker skin tones, bobby brown has a good concealer stick.

**EDIT** two months later:

After giving it a little more research, I found that there are better alternatives to this, and much cheaper ones. I think the Urban Decay Surreal Skin Creamy Concealer ($16) OR Benefits eye bright ($20) do the job without forking the $50 down... You can't forgo quality for price, but for trail and error makeup products, sometimes it's better to play it safe and buy for a price which you're not gonna regret later :)

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Vacuum?

For the last couple of months of so (i think it started at 7 months?), hayaa's been scared of a number of different things.. sometimes she gets nervous if i put a load of laundry in the washer, or when the diswasher starts.. and then there was that time she was scared of bath tubs.. but those things came and went, and her fear of the vacuum still remained :p

We've tried a few things to ease her fears though.. for example, when she was scared of the bathtub, it was quite a problem.. i couldn't give her a bath without her screaming and standing up while in her tub, making it dangerous for her, because she could slip.. so our solution? i would put her bath in our bigger bathtub, fill it with water, sit beside it, put her in and give her toys to play with. It took her some time to adjust, but she did alhamdulillah... and there are still some days when the fear creeps up again.

With the vacuum, we've tried a number of different things. The first thing we do is to bring her close to it when it's off, and let her play with it, punch it, touch it etc. Then when I we start it, I usually go to her, hug her close and give her kisses while she's watching hubby do the vacuuming. One time, we were preparing for a party and she was getting scared while he was vacuuming and i was in the kitchen preparing food.. so he put the sling, put her in it and finished up the job.

How do I know she's scared?

She doesn't cry when we start the vacuum, but she gets very hyper all of a sudden and starts behaving wierd. She moves her arms around like a little bird trying to fly (:D) and babbles in her baby language..and shrieks excitedly.. initially we didn't think she was scared, we thought she was just really excited.. hah.. and then once she was sitting and playing with her toys and it started, and she started to shake (my poor baby).. and since then, i run to hold her whenever we start the vacuum, so finds comfort in my arms, even though her attention is totally towards it.

As children grow, they become scared of different things quite suddenly.. sometimes that thing is something they might be doing everyday, but suddenly they'll be scared of it one day (ie. taking a bath), and sometimes they remain scared of it (ie. vacuum), but it's important to understand that it's totally normal, and comfort them in the best way we can :) we are mothers, after all :)

Separation Anxiety Cuteness

.. cuteness and separation anxiety in the same sentence, you ask?

Yes my friends, all supposed 'bad things' do have a silver lining ;)

So with my in laws gone for a week (they'll be returning in 3 days insha'Allah), Hayaa's began to cling on to me even more then before.

The bad : sometimes she's screaming and in tears if i go to the washroom for 5 minutes

The good: when baba comes home from work! It's the cutest thing! she's soo excited to see him and chachu. i love it! As soon as the enter, she freezes for a second and then starts bouncing in excitement. Those are the best moments.. to see Hayaa after a parting. Even when i would return from school, the thing I'll be most looking forward for would be to see Hayaa's face when I'd enter the house.

I soo need to make a video of that, so i remember it afterwards. Time goes by so quick.. there are times when I want to keep hayaa the way she is, but then i'm excited to take her places when she walks, excited to hear her when she speaks, and read her books when she understands.

Tomorrow holds so many beautiful hopes and some little fears (fear that she's not gonna listen to me :( )

.. May Allah swt continue to bless our family, and may He swt guide Hayaa and make her a strong and righteous believer.. and may He swt bless all of Hayaa's little friends and their families. ameen.

thankfulness and co-sleeping

Alhamdulillah! Thank you Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for everything you've showered on me.

I was speaking to a friend today and she said something interesting.. she said it's funny, many times Allah swt puts us in situations that we've made up our minds to avoid or try our hardest to not be in.. sometimes even make dua that it would not fall in our lot, and yet we are placed in that exact situation which we had hated.

I remember when I was pregnant, I used to make dua that I would not have a baby with colic, but Hayaa did have colic.. and alhamdulillah for everything.. because there's goodness in everything. I also wanted to have another room for her (before she was born), at least have her sleep in the crib.. but Hayaa masha'Allah loves to be close to her mommy and baba and sleep with them... I was always big on quality time with husband, and subhanAllah, whenever we'd have time alone, she'd wake up from her sleep or be fussy about something... and alhamdulillah there is goodness in that too.

What i'm trying to say is.. Allahu'alam.. sometimes we think that we are 'this type of person' or want something very bad and even may obsess over it, but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala challenges our belief and shows us that it's really not a big deal. Yes, you can sleep with the baby at night... it's not a big deal. Yes, you can have a baby with colic.. it's ok... you'll get through it.. and that's life :)

Today, we joined Hayaa's crib with our bed (have one side open, so i'm still sleeping beside her). I was fighting this in my mind for so long.. i wanted her to be able to sleep in her crib.. wanted to have space for hubby and i.. wanted a baby free space where i can be a grownup again..read my book in peace, sip some chai and chill while she sleeps in her little crib on the opposite side of the room.. but after joining the crib now, and accepting her the way she is, it feels better actually. I realize, i was totally making this a big deal in my mind when it's really not.

.. and i think this works for other things in our life too.. obstacles we place in our mind, when it's nothing but in our head.. and shaytans whisperings. Next time I get ahead of myself being unthankful for what Allah has given me... wishing that things were a certain way and not the way they are, i need to just step back and realize, it's not a big deal.. and allahu'alam, this is the best place for me.. and the best planning.

No, life is not perfect.. but it would be a shallow person indeed if he only concentrated on the little specs of dirt at the top of the ocean and not look at the splendidness of the rest and of it's beauty.. and realize that this is all from his Most kind and powerful Creator, walhamdulillah. and so this is life; with little specs here and there; obstacles placed around us, but as a whole, Allah has been showering us constantly with riches and blessings.. when we complain, out loud or in our mind, we have forgotten the blessings He's given us.

teething = separation anxiety?

Hayaa's been teething on and off since she was 6 months old, going on 7 (now she's almost 10 months masha'Allah). It's resulted in many many sleepless nights, and drool filled shirts. We've all sort of noticed a pattern with what tends to happen when a new tooth is about to come..

1) the drooling gets really bad.. it remains throughout but it gets really bad initially. Her clothes get sooked at the top and i have to continuously change them. One day I was going through her drawers and found some undershirts.. so i started to put those on her so it would be less clothes changing for me.

2) the runny nose.. so the combination of drool and runny nose is just gross.. especially when it goes in their mouth. yuk. But, yeah like i said, while the drooling continues, the runny nose occurs for 2 weeks or so.. and then it stops alhamdulillah. I always have to remind my MIL that it's not because of a cold that she's getting it, she'll be sprouting another one soon.

3) the sleepless/ disturbed night: alhamdulillah the real sleeplessness only happens at max 2 days in a row.. but you'll find the disturbed sleep will happen quite often :( Hubby and I always joke that Hayaa is dr. jakyll during the day and mr. hyde at night ;)

4) serious 'chipku-ness' as my husband calls it.. the separation anxiety

5) the tooth, finally!

so yesterday was one of those days.. i had school but my father in law told me after i returned that she was missing me a lot

Hubby offered to put Hayaa to sleep, but she started screaming when he turned off the light.. then my MIL tried (Hayaa's better with her then anyone else - me), but she would still not sleep.. she drank her whole bottle but refused to go to sleep. Then I took her from them and rocked her to sleep, and she slept.. almost within 10 minutes. she was soo tired.. but she did not want me to leave her. Whenever i would move my hand from under her head, she would cry (while her eyes were closed), hug me and go back to sleep. I did give her some teething meds before she went to sleep, so i wasn't sure what it was all about.. but khair.. after like +- half hour of sleeping in my arms, she went to sleep properly without me.

annywhoo.. on another note..umm.. i have to admit that i havne't been good with my diet :( it's tooo hard.. and there are too many temptations. i will try again.. but i'm so bad at it *ashamed*

ok.. gotta go and work on some school work.. which is what i was supposed to do in the first place, but i started blogging :p

Diet and Exercize anyone?

Alhamdulillah it's been nine months, and a half since I had Hayaa.. and alhamduillah after ramadan, I knew that it was the best time to start exercizing. I had been doing casual workouts, like 10 minute treadmill etc, since my 6th month, but I really wanted to get into it now and get results.

It's been like 2 months i think and I've lost at least 6-7 pounds alhamdulillah. I know I should be losing more, because the workout i'm doing is quite intense.. and I know the reason i'm not losing so much is because of my diet.

Living with my in laws, it's quite hard to watch what I eat.. and during pregnancy and after my delivery, I was not only was encouraged to eat more of the desi greasy foods but also indulged in much chocolate and cake eating.

During Ramadan I lost a bit of weight not even exersizing, but just not eating so much food and now, although i'm not seeing a wieght gain, i'm not losing so much as I want to.. so i think it's time I put away my chocolate bars, large portion sizes, gulab jamuns and rasmalai's and get into actively watching what i eat.

Insha'Allah I want my weight to go down ten pounds in a month.. and I know i can do it, with more water in take, smaller portions and exercize.

For anyone wondering what exercize i'm doing, it's the 30 day shred by Jullian Micheals. It's good! All you need is the workout video, exercize mat and 1 pound weights.. It's made a world of a difference in not only my energy level, alhamdulillah, but also, I feel awesome! it's not an easy workout but you feel great afterwards. It's supposed to be for 30 days continously but I couldn't do it every day. I workout 3 days a week and it totally drains me out, in a good way :p

There are 3 levels, and if you workout every day, you should be moving on to a new level every 10 days. I've been working out two month and now i'm on level two, because I want my body to slowly adapt to it. Like i said, I've been in horrible shape since.. well.. since I got married 2 1/2 years ago! But it really does feel great to do somehting about it. Slowly but surely insha'Allah! :)

Sujuud and Preggy belly

After my seventh month, it was difficult for me to make sujuud while praying. I use to just go down as much as I can, and not go into the sijdah position, and then get up. My mother-in-law saw me pray this way once and suggested that I use a pillow to help me, and I thought it was a better suggestion, and I did that throughout the rest of my pregnancy. Well, today I came across a hadith that suggests that what I was doing was correct, and what my MIL suggested shouldn't have been done..though at the time, I thought it was logical enough.

Bulugh Al Maram, Hadith 352:

On Jabir (R), the prophet (S) visited someone who was sick, and he (S) saw this person picking up this pillow and bringing it to his head to make sajdah. The prophet (S) threw it aside and said, "pray upon the earth if you can. And if you cannot, then make an indication with your body, and make an indication of your sajdah lower than the indication of your rukoo."

SubhanAllah, it's amazing how we keep learning new things in our deen. It's so cool. May Allah swt continue to increase us in our knowledge, understanding and application for His sake alone. Ameen.

Self Esteem vs. Arrogance

During pregnancy and motherhood, our lives shift so much, sometimes we forget ourselves in the process, if only for a little while.

After becoming pregnant, for the first time I felt uncomfortable with myself.. and the remnants remain, if not increase, once the baby is in the picture and people question your role as a mother.

This is a beautiful article/ reminder on the relationship between low self esteem and arrogance, and the importance of having confidence in yourself.

SELF – ESTEEM VERSUS ARROGANCE

By Mamoon Yusaf - http://www.quranforbusypeople.com/

“God does not love the arrogant and boasting ones” [Quran 31:18]

In western psychology ‘self-esteem’ refers

to the esteem you give to yourself. It is a measure of how much you like and value yourself. In other words, it is a measure of the extent to which you live by your own personal values. When you do not act in accordance to your values, you like yourself less, and your self-esteem goes down. When you ‘beat yourself up’ for not acting in accordance to your values, rather than learning from your mistakes and moving on (the Islamic approach to forgiveness), your self – esteem goes down even further and you continue to violate your values and sin.

Low self esteem results in not living according to your values, usually as a result of what you think other people will think of you. For example, not giving your honest opinion when it’s required, because you’re afraid of what others may think. Not having the courage to make a sales call due to fear of rejection rooted in valuing their opinion of you over your opinion of yourself. Wearing, or not wearing hijab, not because of what feels right inside, but because of what other people will think of you.

The truth is nobody knows you better than you do – not even your loved ones. Nobody cares about you more than you do, either. If you die, they’ll morn your loss, but you’ll live eternally with the consequences of your actions.

The hypnosis of Muslim culture encourages us to think that having a high opinion of yourself is a ‘bad thing’ because it could lead to arrogance. Nothing could be further from the truth. Having a low opinion of yourself leads to arrogance.

If your opinion of yourself is lower, your inner confidence is diminished and you always need to prove a point to others (and yourself) by unconsciously competing. This leads to you ‘looking down on people and denying people their rights’ – the Prophet’s definition of arrogance (pbuh).

If you have a high opinion of yourself in areas where you are good, and a low opinion in areas where you struggle, you are closer to the truth of your situation. This honesty and self-acceptance is the starting point of personal growth.

The problem in your personal development comes when you use patterns of language that put yourself down, and then actually convince yourself that this is a good thing because you are ‘being humble’. These negative language patterns like “I’m such a loser; I’m so lazy” etc, are not humility they are self-humiliation. They are lies, which become limiting beliefs, which ultimately prevent your success. And they are forbidden. This is why the Prophet (pbuh) said “A believer never humiliates himself”.

Muslim spiritual writings on arrogance as a root disease of the heart, always balance not being boastful and arrogant with not looking down on yourself either. We tend to overlook the second part. In reality, if you look down on yourself (have low self esteem), you lose your personal dignity (‘izza) which may result in you lashing out in a boastful manner when you get the chance.

To make matters worse, if your self esteem is low the chances are you could even be indulging in a sly form of shirk – valuing others opinions of you affects your behaviour drastically. The only real opinion we should care about is Allah’s opinion. If you let others dictate what you think about yourself, and therefore what you do, this may be a form of ‘riyah’.

This dua will help: Allahuma inna na’uthu bika min an nushrika bika shayan na’alamu wa nastaghfiruka li ma la na’alamu.

Allah, we seek refuge in you from associating partners with you knowingly, and seek your forgiveness from what we don’t know (doing it unknowingly).

The best of examples, our Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said quite frankly “I am the best among you, and this is not arrogance’. It’s not arrogance because it’s a fact. He told us, because it’s important for us to know his status, and we can learn from his statement that when you have deep inner confidence and self esteem like He did, there is no arrogance.

What I would do the second time around...

When Hayaa was young, I couldn't imagine having another baby. Now, sometimes when I see her play, I feel like it it would be nice for her to have another sibling to play with.. maybe not now, but soon in the future insha'Allah. My pregnancy definitely wasn't the best experiance.. it wasn't all the health. I know that if I had wanted to, it could have been much better.

If i was pregnant again, I would...

Not be living in a house with my brother in law, and if possible, living close to my in laws but not with them:

wearing shalwar kameez in the summer while pregnant sucks, wearing abaya in the house, while pregnant and cooking sucks even more. If i can help it, with my husbands happiness and his family's, i'd opt for living not with my in laws. No doubt, there are loads and loads of blessings living with your inlaws, but during pregnancy, it tends to get tough. However, if there's nothing i can do about that, then I know Allah swt only put me in that situation because it's best for me... but at least, i don't want to be livign with another non mahrem and wearing abaya all the time, the next time around insha'Allah.

Investing in a few nice maternity clothes:

During my pregnancy, one of hte biggest issues I had was clothes! My shalwar kameezs were getting too tight and I had to wear my mother-in-laws clothes because i thought, why should i waste money and keep getting a new wardrobe. Sometimes, it's good to save, but sometimes for your own sake, it's better to get some clothes that will work all throughout. It would have been relatively easy working iwth my wardrobe had I worn just sweats and tops, but wearing paki clothes is soo uncomfortable.

Now, there are loads of styles in paki clothes that would look nice on pregnant women. If only I knew then! During the weekdays I would get off the hook by wearing my humongo abaya in the kitchen (bro in law issue), but by weekends, there would be family parties to attend, and every weekend I would feel uncomfortable about the way I looked. Insha'Allah I'll do some homework next time and get some proper clothes made.

Maternity friendly shalwar khameez options: (colours are gross, styles are cute)

Go out of doors more often: being home all day is not cool.. and I don't know why, after getting married, I just stayed home ALL day! never again insha'Allah.

NOT eat for two: anyone who told you that you had to eat for two while pregnant... was probably an auntie ;)

Get one or two maternity abayas: for some reason, abaya's are quite pricey at stores. I'd get them stitched instead if i can't find resonable ones at the stores.

Go swimming/ Join some sort of Swimming classes: swimming while pregnant is the safest and best exercize.. and it feels great :)

Do prenatal yoga: It helps keep the body lean, and gets your body in shape for the big day

Get a doula: I'm not sure if doula's help around the house and how much they help exactly, but if I was livign on my own with Hayaa, i'd definitely be open to any helping hand.

Cook and freeze the food: because cooking in the first few weeks of baby being home is quite tough.

Go for a walk every day, or at least every other day

Restrain some of my loaded sugar or oily cravings some of the time

finally, I would..

Be less mean to husband.

Hayaa..

A week and a half and you'll be 9 months insha'Allah.

Yesterday I was thinking about how active you are masha'Allah. You always did like to move around and I remembered how active you were even in my tummy. I still remember your kicks. As you grew bigger, your kicks became stronger, so much so that sometimes I use to wonder if the time had come for you to come out and finally meet your mommy and daddy.. :) but many times, they were false alarms. You were just having a little party inside.

I had my ultrasound three times, when nurses wanted to check your health.. especially because we were concerned about one of your kidneys being bigger then the other, and each time they would check you, you would be moving continuously. All three nurses you checked me each time commented on how much you move.

How you scared us when we found out about your kidney! How you scared your nanny! She stayed up the whole night making dua for your health. Alhamdulillah, by the time you came into this world, you were perfectly healthy. I still remember that day, coming in for a checkup when the midwife told me the implications of a bigger kidney: "the worst of it?" she said "she may be autistic.. but.. there is a chance that it may just be an infection." SubhanAllah. Walhamdulillah. It was neither. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala always keep you healthy, happy and on his path.

When you were a week late, I was so uncomfortable. It was Adeel chachu's wedding, I didn't have any clothes that fit. All your daddy's relatives came from pakistan and elsewhere. Your mommy felt so uncomfortable attending all the little parties, along side your other pretty chachi's and chachi's to be :) but alhamdulillah, your daddy kept reminding me that our gift will be coming soon.. and soon it'll all be worth it.

With many reminders from your daddy and your nanni, alhamdulillah the last days before you met me went smoothly :) Your nanni was there making me stronger, helping me to

Bye bye Maple Pecan Danish :(

OMG did you know a maple pecan danish from Tims has 410 calories?

I didn't either.

http://www.timhortons.com/ca/en/menu/nutrition-calculator.html

---

btw, i didn't end up using goat milk after all. Hayaa's doc said it's natural for her to get constipated at first. Her body will get used to it, but it's better to continue with Isomil then to goat milk. Maybe when she's older.

Goat milk vs. Soy milk

Hayaa has been very constipated lately. I think it has to do something with her drinking the soy supplement :( I got her Isomil because everything else was just not suiting her. She seemed to like it.. but for the past two days, she's been very constipated. Poor thing. I gave her some prunes today, and it seemed to do the trick, alhamdulillah.

Looking for another alternative for the past hour and a half, I came across this website speaking of Goat milk and the recipe for feeding infants and toddlers. I know some websites say that you shouldn't feed your baby goat milk, because it has a higher level of protien then cows milk and when you dilute it, it loses it's nutrients, but Dr. Sears seems to know what he's talking about :)

Also, nothing else is working for Hayaa except Silk soy milk and I think this recipe for Goat milk is certainly much better then that!

I was a little concerned about giving her soy milk anyway. There was a new study done that it causes early puberty in some people.. so I wasn't too comfortable with giving it to her, but I did.. with caution. During the day, I try to give her at least 3 meals during the day, and give her little snacks in between. I nurse her in the morning and at night before putting her to sleep. She just needs a little milk sometimes before she naps during the day, so i thought soy milk would be ok for that.. but now, because it's causing her constipation, i think goat milk will be a better option.

I don't think it's wise for me to stop nursing her completely just yet. It is still the best milk option for her right now, and insha'Allah I can nurse her less and less as she's coming closer to turning 1.

Today I'm gonna go and get some goat milk. I'll update on how it turns out :)

Naps and Things

I had such a hard time putting Hayaa down for a nap today. Alhamdulillah she finally went to sleep and has been for an hour and a half. I put her in the crib today, and i feel so free :) like i could jump on the bed and she wouldn't wake up. lol ..maybe she will wake up, who knows. I even took a shower while she slept. When she naps on our bed, i'm always scared that she'll fall so I make sure i'm not too far away. Alhamdulillah Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala protected Hayaa from falling from our bed many times.. and even at night, i'm always uncomfortable that she's getting too close to the edge.

I moved the crib infront of our bed today, because she hated going into the crib and I was kind of lazy to go all the way to it for her night feedings. I don't know how people do it with the baby in the other room! Now, she's right close to us so it wouldn't be a problem.

So i haaave to document the way she fell asleep today. She skipped her morning nap, was absolutely tired but didn't want to go down for her afternoon one. So, i took her and rocked her back and forth but she was just crying so i gave her the bottle, once the bottle finished, she started to scream at the top of her lungs and kept screaming.. i gave her tylenol, cuz i thought maybe she's not feeling well, but she kept screaming, eyes closed and everything. Then I don't know what happened, i couldnt' take it anymore and I yelled "ABDUL BASIT, COME HERE RIGHT NOW!"

LOL.. no AB wasnt' even home, he's at work. Then Hayaa stopped yelling, peered at me with her half closed eyes, closed her eyes and went to sleep. Alhamdulillah!

I think I almost lost my mind. Almost.

I don't know what it was. It's not like she got scared of me when I yelled, it just kind of got her out of her screaming mode. I remember when i was practicing for my G2 test, one time I think I was driving too low and the instructor said 'stop.. stop..' and i kept going and then he said 'STOP!' and i stopped suddenly and i was a little hurt at why he yelled at me and he told me that we're told to raise our voice everytime we say 'Stop' because it takes the student driver out of the nervous state.. so perhaps it was that. Allahu 'alam it seemed to work :p

Back-2-School Lessons

I started school last week, alhamdulillah. I'll only be gone 2 days, but whenever i would think about in the months leading up to it, i used to get so scared. 2 whoole days! for 5-10 hours at a time away from Hayaa.. that would have sounded impossible for me to do just 3 months ago.. but alhamdulillah it's hasn't been too bad.

Firstly, using a swing to put Hayaa to sleep helps soooooo much! I felt like kicking myself at the back when I think of all the times I had struggled.. rather how others struggled to put Hayaa to sleep if I happen to be out when she became sleepy. The first day of school, ammi and abu put the swing together and put her in it when i was about to leave. Alhamdulillah she loved it and she's been fine since. For some reason though, she does not sit on the swing if i put her in it.. funny kid, she still hates when it's time to sleep and gets really agitated when I put her near the swing because she knows I'm putting her in there and trying to put her to sleep. she just wants her dudu straight up.

She's 8 months now, and I think this is the perfect time for mothers to return to work or school, for babies to be away from their mommies for some time. Before this time, I think it's too early and after it, it would have been difficult for Hayaa to get use to. I remember when my mom started to work when my little brother was 1 year old. He cried so much! I heard from two other people that at 8 months, when you leave the baby home, she might cry when you're leaving but eventually the other caregiver can distract her.

Also, I had been nursing her until 6 months and only late in the 7th month did I start giving her the bottle.. so that would be another thing I would have to workout if I had gone to school earlier. Last week was actually the first time Hayaa drank from the bottle since.. a long time! she would not let me give her the bottle before this time.

I did learn that I even though I did not use to understand where my mom and MIL would be coming from when they'd tell me to sometimes "let her be" and be so "attached" to her, it doesn't mean they're wrong.. like they'd tell me to give her an ounce of supplement milk and be a little independent.. I was like oook it's been a while since they were mothers, BUT, they're not so wrong after all and I realize that now.

I mean, I definitely would not just 'let her be' if she's crying and screaming for my attention, but sometimes a little separation is actually healthy. Well, I think so. hehe in my 8 months of experience. Honestly, I needed some time for myself. Especially in the beginning of ramadan when she'd insist to be in my arms when i'd be cooking. She just wanted to be in my arms ALL the time, and .. well, alhamdulillah leaving her home with my MIL for some time is, i believe, healthy for not only me but also her.

So yeah, alhamdulillah things are nice :) I do definitely miss Hayaa during my school days, but i'm totally enjoying the 'me' time that i'm finally getting.. and ammi says that she's just fine at home, so that makes me happy, because she's learning to play by herself and stay with others and not just her mommy.

Let it ALL out!

I've always been a fan of journaling, diaries and logs. It started when I was in middle school, any time I had a secret that was bursting to come out, I would write it in my little blue book and keep the book hidden in one of my dresser drawers. The family knew about it. Many times when things would happen at home, I'd run to my room, grab my book and write, write and write.

After I got married, I missed my little book a lot and even though I tried to keep a book to write my thoughts, I either didn't have time or was afraid to write everything down in case someone came across it and read it.

Recently I came across an online free diary/ journal called Penzu. It's pretty cool, private, safe and I can access it whenever I wish on my laptop, and i'm sure there are other sites like this too. It's nice to write things down again, it helps let out any harsh feelings and words I may feel, look back at my writings and look at the situation more perspectively. It's much better to do this then to discuss your "problems" with others and end up backbiting.

So I just wanted to share this with the new mothers or even newly weds. I know there are lots of times when you just feel like you can't take it anymore and want to explode on someone, it's usually your husband unfortunately, or perhaps another family member. Don't do it. It's not worth putting your relationship in jeopardy. Instead, write. It feels so much better and there's no guilt afterwards about being rude or backbiting.

...and no, i'm not getting paid to advertise the penzu site ;)

Hayaa's "lovey"

So, as I've already written, for the past few days I've been trying to have Hayaa transition from her nursing to sleep mode to sleeping without milk mode. I figure, we'll get to the sleeping by herself thing later insha'Allah.. we'll get there, step by step.

Usually kids have a stuffed animal, blanket or pacifier they sleep with. It seems to provide them with comfort and help them through any transition. It's called a 'lovey' because kids love it so much and sometimes carry it around with them where ever they go. I've been trying to get Hayaa on one for days to ease her, while we take these steps towards a better sleeping Hayaa. Much to my disappointment, she adamantly refused to hold a blanket or a stuffed animal and even a pacifier.

This morning, she literally cried (or screamed) herself to sleep without me nursing her, making everyone in the house quite uneasy. So naturally I shuddered at the thought of putting her to sleep again. Well, she's asleep now alhamdulillah, hardly cried this time, didn't scream at all, and went to sleep in about 20 minutes (which is pretty good).

What did I do differently this time that I had not done the last? played Quran in the background! After 10 minutes of listening, I stopped it to look for something else and she started to cry. Crazy subhanAllah. I mean, I am happy that she's attached herself to the sound of the quran, but while a lovey can be carried around other places, i can't really carry around a qari. I can recite some surahs to her, but she seems to prefer a certain qari.. shaykh Mahir to be exact. Sometimes she likes Saad Al Ghamdi as well, but when I recite to her, as absurd as it sounds, it doesn't seem to produce the same effect.

My daughter and her very specific requests. sigh.

So, what should I do if I need to put her to sleep somewhere other then her room? Maybe I should be carrying an MP3 player around with me.

Sleeping Issues Reminisce

Hayaa's been sleeping for an hour masha'Allah. Her naps have extended to at least an hour for the past few days, and yesterday she slept 3 hours straight. I couldn't believe it, masha'Allah tabarakAllah.

I'm not sure how and why this sudden change has appeared, but it's quite new to me. Usually as soon as she's asleep, i'm waiting for her to wake up again. I remember those days of 15 minute naps. I would feel incredibly blessed if she slept for half an hour. SubhanAllah, we've come a long way.

Many of my girlies have recently had babies or will soon have them, and whenever I hear from them or see them, I think of my first few months with Hayaa. We had some interesting days. I do realize that much of it was because of the whole milk issue, I mean, I was drinking milk like crazy and unknown to me was that she was having a lot of trouble digesting it... but i guess some babies in general sleep little, cry a lot and nurse even more.

In my first few months, I hardly stepped out of doors, usually would be in my room. I'd sleep with Hayaa, stay in my PJs every chance I got (I didn't get that many chances, I do live with my in laws), complained when i wasn't wearing PJ's :p and felt like my whole world revolved around just feeding Hayaa and putting her to sleep, only for her to wake up 10 minutes later.

A lot has changed since then, alhamdulillah. I'm starting to feel like my old self again.. yes, about 7-8 months later.

I remember visiting a family friend of ours and her baby 2-3 months after Hayaa was born. Husband and I were so shocked when the couple were telling us how they hardly notice their baby, she sleeps like 12 hours during the day, and the common stuff at night. I remember thinking how unfair the whole thing is, authobillah. I shouldnt have, but sometimes these thoughts do occur in your mind. I think I even told husband that it's all his fault that Hayaa cries all the time, because he forbid me to give her a pacifier (some nurse told us that it's very bad at that time). I was totally wrong to do that. I feel ashamed to admit it, but Husband had to put up with a lot of my hissy fits in those days.

With the whole pacifier thing, qadarAllah, but he has admitted that it would have made our life a little more easier if we had used one and not listen to every nurse who gave us advice about how we handle our baby.

well, with every difficulty there is much more ease. alhumdulillah. I think it was after Hayaa was about 3 months that she started crying less, and now she even sleeps well and plays by herself. Things do improve. It helps to speak to other mothers. It helped me so much when i spoke to some of the other more experienced mothers..also, the prophet sallalahu alayhi wasallam said:

'Wondrous are the affairs of a believer. For him, there is good in all his affairs and this is only for the believer. When something pleasing happens to him, he is grateful, and that is good for him; and when something displeasing happens to him, he is patient, and that is good for him"

(Muslim)

Alhamdulillah Allah swt has guided me to realize that every child is different and every situation comes with it's own strengths and weaknesses and alhamdulillah, Allah swt has eased my affairs.

Habits

I recently started tracking Hayaa's feedings, sleeping and playing times and conditioning them so it would be a little easier for someone else to do it if i'm not around. I'm not sure if I should join school in September or do something that will keep me closer to Hayaa. Traveling to downtown a few days a week will be a huge thing for her to be away from me for that long.. she's not used to it.

So, alhamdulillah it's been working so far. The problem was that Hayaa doesn't sleep any other way except for me to nurse her and well, that would obviously mean that it's quite a challenge for anyone to put her to sleep except for me. Now, i've been putting her to sleep just by patting her on her back and singing a little lullaby or putting quran on in the background.

Alhamduillah it has worked, and I felt so relieved that she's finally going to sleep without nursing, but she is quite dramatic when she's tired, she cries for at least 5 minutes and most often more, and then finally falls asleep. I've gotten used to the routine, but her daddy has a hard time sometimes and i know her grandparents will too.

I kind of gave up on scheduling and conditioning after my repeated failures when she was a few months old.. but perhaps i was doing it at a time of a growth spurt, or she was sick or maybe it was just too early for her. Whatever it was, it went pretty bad and I didn't want to do it any more so I gave it up all together. I was just nursing her whenever i felt she was hungry, but i realized that it wasn't the way to go... she was totally running the show and I felt out of control.

I think a good time to start good habits is when the baby reaches 6 months.. but mothers shouldn't give up, sometimes it takes some time, some patience and insha'Allah things will go your way and it makes like so much easier.

Eating Essentials

A good high chair:

I use the Fisher price 4-in-one high chair, which honestly, didn't really meet up to it's price. I'd just go with a comfortable high chair instead. Maybe the other basic fisher price high chair or the space saver high chair from walmart.

Many bibs OR one kangaroo bib.

I love my kangaroo bib. I was getting sick and tired the many cloth bibs that were getting very dirty every time i'd feed hayaa. Hayaa did have to get used to it the first two times she ate, but it made my clean up much easier.

Food!

If you're giving the jar foods, I like the hienz organic little baby jars. Even though they are smaller, Hayaa actually likes eating them better. They have more variety as well. Her favorite is the apple, banana and oatmeal.

I'm going to try making my own food soon, this site has pretty cool recipes:

A spoon

I use the nuby spoons because I purchased them thinking the thermal colour changing is cool, but it doesn't really help much. It's better to buy sometime more flatter. Even a basic spoon will do, but get extra spoons for traveling, and some extra for home, in case one is dirty or gets lost.

Cereal/ finger food

We got Hayaa three types of finger food, the biscuit was good when she was younger, but now she doesn't like the taste of it. We got the baby graduates strawberry and apple and cheese puffs.. but she actually just prefers me to give her cheerios then anything else.
When she wants to take a break from the food, i pop a cheerio in her mouth, until she feels ready to eat again.

Water

Some water in her bottle really helps me while feeding. Sometimes she closes her mouth and doesn't want to eat, so I give her the water and she realizes that she's actually thirsty. After she drinks some water, she's ready to eat the food again.

A plastic toy

A toy will distract your toddler while eating, but make sure it's plastic so you can wash it later. If it's a soft toy, you'll have trouble when washing it.

A bowl

Needed especially if you make your own food. You should be taking out the jar food into a bowl anyway, but if laziness gets the better of you, sometimes you may just feed the baby from the jar. It really doesn't do anything if the jars are small and baby eats most of the food at that feeding time, but if the jars are larger, you should take some out and put the rest in the fridge. It's not good to keep heating the food and not using it right away.

7 month crazies

Hayya is a week short of 8 months now and masha'Allah she's quite a fast bloomer. She sits and crawls comfortably and even holds the sofa and picks herself up to stand. She's also quite active, which is good most times but there are days when she really tires me out.

On the down side, 7-8 months mean teething and separation anxiety and this month, the combination of the two has Hayaa acting up a lot. And the days when i'd be fasting, due to ramadan, i can't do anything except be with her all day :( She's a bit better now, but for a few weeks ago, every time i put her down, she'd start to cry. Today she really tested my patience and started to screech and scream at the top of her lungs. I couldn't take it any more, I called husband and broke down. Then I realized that perhaps nursing is not enough, maybe because she's either growing or because it's gotten less due to fasting, she needs more. I fed her food, changed her diaper then tried putting her to sleep, and alhamdulillah, she's now fast asleep.

When Hayaa was a baby, feeding her wasn't a big deal. There are no messes, it's quick, handy and i can give it whereever i am.. and she would fall asleep fast as soon as i did. Now, I have to give her food and it's messy, sometimes i have to make it, sometimes she's fussy to eat it, it takes a long time and then i have to spend another half hour or so putting her to sleep. but the silver lining now is that at times, when i can't take it any more, i can just hand her to husband or someone else and they can feed her and put her to sleep.. I don't necessarily have to do everything.

So there, every age has it's good times and bad.

Vacationing with Baby 101

We've just returned from our first vacation outside of the city with baby, and that too a road trip of 7 hours + =) it was fun!

Do's

keep a baby carrier and a stroller with you
both came in handy at different times. When I wanted to carry my baby, the carrier was good and when she was sick of it, the stroller was helpful. And sometimes, both would not do, so we had to carry her in our arms. Husband and I took turns.

keep many extra baby outfits on hand
it's always good to keep an extra outfit in the bag before you leave, but also have babies sweater and blanket in case it gets cold and a sun hat is very important in the summer in case it gets hot.

make a list of things to do and pack a day before leaving
My list was so helpful, all i had to do is drop stuff in our bag and keep crossing things out. I sat and wrote the list a week before while hayaa was napping.

book a king size hotel room in a nice hotel
they accidently gave us a double bed the first night, and it wasn't so great, but moving into the king sized room was sooo much better the next night.. and they were nice enough to give it on the same floor, alhamdulillah.

Be content with how things work out
Things don't always go your way, but it's ok. Be thankful and be content with what does happen. Alhamdulillah you've got a chance to go and spend a few days with hubby and baby away from distractions and work.

Stay in one of the days, put baby to sleep, takeout and have a movie night with hubby :) <3>

If you're going on a road trip:

Have a GPS

It's quite handy when going to a new place, especially when you're on your way there and you have a washroom or diaper emergency. You'll need to locate the nearest tims or subway (gas stations have horrible washrooms!), and will need to get back on the highway afterwards. This will definitely help.

have a few lectures to listen to in the car ride
lectures are always good :) and the journey is as important as the destination.

Don'ts

Keep unwashed dishes in the sink before leaving! peewww you'll come home to a stinky house.

Get lazy and rely on room service instead of taking advantage of the great breakfast buffet downstairs. breakfast buffets that are awesome are awesome.

Overload your schedule with attractions to see
It is a vacation so you're supposed to relax and have fun

Sweat the small stuff
Baby's going to inconvenience you in some ways, but don't let it ruin your family vacation. make up your mind that you wouldn't let the small things get you down and enjoy whole heartedly the blessings you have in front of you :)

Learning something new

Hayaa's growing so fast, i'm excited what new things she'll do next. The following is a list of things she's learnt to do in this past couple of days:

1) making proper sounds like 'ghaaa' and 'mmmm' instead of her regular screaming :)

2) she grabs the railings of her crib, looks out and tries to lift herself from it.. every time i leave her in there it worries me. AB and I have to put the mattress down for it.

3) shaking her head repeatedly as if to say 'no'. This had been bothering me for a few days.. I read that its' a sign of autism, so I was a little concerned about the way she sometimes repeatedly moves and shakes her head or hands (occasionally she does the arms thing), so I looked it up today and found that it's totally normal alhamdulillah. Most of the parents were saying that it worried them as well, but it's just something babies learn and they eventually grow out of it! alhamduilllah.

4) not sitting still. she wants to touch and see everything! i didn't have so much trouble changing her diaper or clothes before, but now, she will not stay in the same position for too long, she wants to do something, see something, explore something new :)

She certainly is making my life a lot more challenging at times, but there are also moments of joy, excitement, awe and wonder.

Dear Hayaa...

Tomorrow, at 6:18 am in the morning, you will be exactly 6 months old insha'Allah. How these months have gone past, I could never have fathomed. I've been wanting to write about you for quite some time; record all your milestones, remember the joy you bring to us each and every day.. as well as our share of worries and concerns :)

You are lying in my lap right now. This seems to be your favorite spot these days. You feed in my lap and many times even sleep, play and lie there for quite some time. I hardly know how I get anything else done.

Your recent venture has been to sit up by yourself and play with your plastic colourful blocks, though i believe the bright red box entertains you more then what's inside. This morning, your dadda asked me to get some soft toys for you, because he thinks the plastic ones you play with might hurt you :D He loves you so much and tries his best to protect you in every way possible, and the same goes with your abu.

Do you know, you spend most of your day staring at my face? You want me to be with you all the time, to hold you and hug you. You love it when I kiss you. So far, I'm your favourite person in the whole wide world, and I know, soon when you've grown up, I'll look back and miss this time and the love you hold in your eyes for your mommy.

I'm so proud of how far you've come in these 6 months. There was once a time when I'd just want you to remain sleeping and my biggest worry would be to have you awake. Though I'm still not so satisfied with your 10 minute naps, I now love spending my days with you; hugging and kissing you, playing and speaking to you.

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless you with many more months and years of happiness, and grant you the best of this world and the world to come. May your parents find you a joy not only in your infancy but may you grow to be a righteous, respectful and loving young woman, one who is in constant remembrance of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and continuously seeking his forgiveness. Ameen thumma ameen.

Love,

Your Mummy