I missed you. I'm back. I'm sorry i went MIA on you! The past two months of so have been a whirlwind.. so much to do, see, new developments. SubhanAllah.
Updates:
- Hayaa is 13 months and 3 weeks!! Masha'Allah tabarkAllah.
- She walks and runs
- new words: mamma, baba, papa *sigh* it makes my day when she looks at me and says mamma
- she is now more comfy sleeping on her bed, but still ends up in ours in the middle of the night
- she's getting her big teeth!
How has these past couple of months changed me?
I've honestly been running around like a mad women :( School has kept me super busy and the biggest thing i regret is not being around Hayaa those 2 days, and some other times when i have to go upstairs and study. I really liked taking two courses and having time to play with Hayaa and being with her.. 3 of them are driving me a little on the edge sometimes, but alhamdulillah i'm almost done and AB and the rest of the family have been so supportive throughout..
i'm actually reaally looking forward to spring, when i can take Hayu to the park and play with her and just be able to spend more time with her. In the beginning, I wasn't comfortable with the thought of being a 'family'.. i was so happy being a 'couple' that when Hayaa arrived, having the title of not just a wife but also a mother, from a couple to a family and of having a baby with me everywhere i went took me by surprise. The realization that my life has changed forever.. wasn't sure at the time if it's for the best, but now i have no doubt in my mind that it was and is alhamdulillah. I think it's because i'm just more confident and happy about my role as a mother now. I'm not getting swayed by random comments about how i should be and how she should be.. I'm letting me just be me and her just be her.
I'm really enjoying every moment with my baby now, and although time alone is nice, when Hayaa's not around, i do feel a little uneasy, as if a big part of me missing. Especially because, alhamdulillah she's such a big girl now, and no longer cries when i take her out as she used to in her colic days. That's not to say we don't have our downs.. this morning, my jaanu's diaper leaked yet again, she threw up once, and she does continue to hit me still in her sleep.. lol but it's not so annoying anymore. I realized that if i don't enjoy the little things in my life, it'll pass me by.. she'll grow up and be independent.. and i'll miss this time! so why not enjoy it now right?
Ok enough rambling.. I still have an exam in two days.. i just needed to write some things down before getting down to studying :)
The part about your transition from being a couple to being a family almost brought me to tears...almost :)
ReplyDeleteYou know, it's true that things get so difficult at first. No wonder the rates of postpartum depression is so high after having a baby, especially the first one and no wonder the rates of divorce are so high for first time parents. This are stressful and it's a huge transition from being you and worrying about yourself to worrying about a whole new life and taking care of it more than yours. It's amazing. It's amazing that Allah gave us the ability to change. We don't like change but what can do do without it.
:) it is a difficult transition.. and it's common to feel like we're the only ones struggling in the beginning, i thnk it's because sometimes new mommies are so busy in their roles that they don't speak about the difficulties they are going through.. so that makes everyone feel a little alienated in the beginning.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking to mothers and hearing them acknowledge that things can never go exactly by the book helps sooo much alhamdulillah.